Thursday, 15 May 2014

Swampy danger


Have you ever thought something looked fun but it wasn't? 
Strutting breathless and worn, A sticky substance drizzled off my forehead. Pushing up and down over thousands of thick clumps of dirt. We approached the exit but we had to got through the guardians path, That was when I knew danger was before me. 

Connecting my foot against the bank of a brown swampy creek. Cutting grass grew like there was no tomorrow. Squishy mud surfaced under the arched flax. Smiling and laughing like I had no sense of responsibility. Suddenly Splat I dropped 3 feet into darkness " ABBY" 

Glancing up a sun beam shot me in the eye like a bullet. A head sprouted up out of the blue sky fixing its vivid blue eyes upon me, it's brown streaky hair fluttered around in circles, it's mouth started opening but I didn't know what it was going to say. It was Abby . " what happened" she murmured sympathetically thinking I was a clumsy smurf, Of course. "Let's get out of here before we both get eaten alive" I warned her dangerously. Clutching her sweaty palms while blood deluged down my finger. Adrenalin laid flat across my body like a blanket as I was eager to carry on with the race. 

It turned out this adventure wasn't as fun as I thought!!!

WALT: Use show not Tell in our writing





  

1 comment:

  1. Great to see you changed your title Lexi. It has made your story a lot more clear and I can think about the setting in terms of a swamp. Your next step is to think about punctuation, such as where and why you could add commas in. We will work on that next week.
    Great work.

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